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I think lots of people, especially women, are socialized to think that confidence is impolite, so they try to sound unassertive. Auto-Reply Email Sample for Customer Service: A Personalized Template Excellent insight and analysis. I feel like its asking me to say yes or no to an invitation / commitment before I even know what it is (like, if youre having a party I might be free, but my babysitting quota is full for the month so no to that). I get a bit awkward when people ask me that question too, because of the whole half-agreeing to plans before theyre actually exposed (I never considered it nosy personally but I can see how it might come across that way). Let the customer know you empathize with them and use their name to personalize your communications. Or else, Id rather people not start a conversation unless they have something specific to say, unless its somebody like my sister who I know well enough to talk about nothing and enjoy it. When I tell you Ill be meal planning this weekend thats not an invitation for you to tell me all of your diet ideas and which meals are healthier. 2. When we nearly got evicted from our housing situation, I was critically busy trying to find an apartment for me and the housemates, and it kind of annoyed me to have friends pinging me like Heyyy, I miss you, can we get lunch this week, without finding out if I was actually available first. I feel like letting her sleep is far more important than my social life right now., Sorry, I know it sounds like a stupid excuse. Its an opener, like Hot enough for you? Or How about that sportsquad at the sportsmatch? The content of your answer is secondary to the dynamic of conversation. Yak shaving is a programming term, although Ive also seen it in other contexts. Its setting off the Gift of Fear sirens in my head. [Reposting because it looks like my first comment was eaten.]. And if I do want to see her, then I just tell her something freed up in my schedule and ask if shes available or if theres anything she wants to do. If you have a faaaaaaaamlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy culture where not providing free labor on demand for family makes you the jerk, lean in to it and accept the mantle of jerk; this frees you from ever needing to try to avoid that label in the future. Oh LW this might be one of my very biggest pet peeves. He's finally seen the light and realized you're meant to be together took him long enough. "Great, thanks for asking" is a generic response that you can use when you receive a "how's your day going" message. How can I ask in a way that minimizes that feeling? Question. Can I let you know for sure tomorrow?. Another interesting look at how varied cultural/regional norms and peoples own experiences can be. She can of course say, Im taking some mental-health time, and live with whatever fallout from being an unhelpful family member. For all that the Your X is Valid thing is trending nowadays, you still need to be able to have basic conversations with people, which includes stuff like this. Our relationship got better when I moved out. But it can also just mean I love you and want to hear about things youre doing that youre excited about; it comes up all the time with friends who live far away! I think Im just reacting to the comments that seem to me to have a Thats just the way it is, you have to deal vibe, partly because it seems to make sense that someone would write in for specific strategies of how to deal while getting as much of what they want and as little of what they dont want as possible. One of my friends always answered (very cheerily): Dont know! Person A: Hi, how are you? I wouldnt mind your first either, but thats because the few people whod ask me exactly that are close enough for me to answer however Id like. eh, my mother does that. And it's a great way to know what's at the top of someone's mind. Tell me about you. In the age of smartphones I also often find that my calendar is inside the device Im holding up to my ear In theory I could ask them to pause the conversation while I check the calendar, but I havent yet found a script to actually get them to stop talking while I do that. 200 Best Sarcastic Quotes and Funny Sarcasm Sayings - Parade Julia has been . So I love this response cuz its keeping it real! Can't complainI have tried, but no one listens. I'll leave you to be the judge of when it's most appropriate, all . For the record, I will totally cat-sit for you. The fact that LW is this bugged about it shows theres a problem and the parent is being manipulative. I would think that if one is up to the point of having to plan food, one would have also issued a direct invitation? Its any individuals choice whether the tradeoffs are worth it. (You could also just say no and keep going, but that can cause conflict with them, which you might or might not want.) So I get your point, and thats definitely not what I was asking about. Its like theyre trying to help you come up with justifications for saying no before they even ask you the question. Oh, yes, white supremacy/racism in action. I get lunch with my coworkers on Friday and there is a lot of so is anyone doing anything interesting this weekend? in our conversation. And found myself saying yes more often than I wanted to. Lets do it.). What are your plans for the weekend? - Making Sense of English Born and bred in southern California, how are you? asked of/by a stranger functions, for me, like any scripted greeting, pretty comparable to an all right with or without the interrogative in that a detailed (or even particularly honest) response is not expected and in many cases wont be acknowledged because it wont be heard (because no one is listening for it). How about you? If they push after that, theyre admitting theyre either not listening or not respecting my feelings. 1. Me: No can do. How am I right now? Photo: Funny Quotes. Why do I feel entitled to some assistance or attention from the 24-year-old who lives in my home, taking up space, who pays nothing and does no chores (because shes too unreliable, and Id just be nagging at her, or doing them for her and pissing her off)? Its the best. What are you doing this weekend? How to Reply to Online Dating Messages the Right Way Riding an elephant. Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. Aunt: Good! Some variation of were busy or we have plans works better. I slept for twelve minutes while perching on top of my desk like a bird! But I have wondered if I answer with imaginary bf and I have x-plans, if the questions would stop. Ex.1. What are you doing?, Unless Im doing something unusual, its true; its wonderfully vague and gives no information; and I get to immediately turn the question back on the asker (which often leads to a better conversation anyway.). Your radishes that you consider joint family radishes because everyone could eat them? So the reframing may help. Because as far as I can tell, youre saying you want to be treated with the closeness of family, only you seem pretty adamant you dont actually want to be family with her in the sense of two adults choosing to be together and support each other as family youre very clear that you want a relationship where you retain levels of dominance and control only suitable with a minor child. A question is not a legal summons, you can literally ignore it if you want! Its also tripping flags in your head, which is infinitely more important. Opposite of what I want . to invent some activity or decide how much to share), and 3.allowing you to then respond either positively or negatively to whatever suggestion comes next. , I am in a cat trance. Any fun plans? If I catch myself, before they respond lll clarify what my actual invitation is. :) Hope you like our compilation and try to stay serious ,please . Are you busy? Dont do that to a friend. I thought why do you ask? meant you are being nosy. I make a special point to not do that, not even if the thing Im asking for help with is sort of non-negotiable. Thinking of seeing [movie]. I dont know many people who issue we should hang out soon with the expectation that the recipient is then supposed to plan an event if they agree? Good old traffic, Ill probably be stuck out all day!, or Nope, gotta get the groceries, what about you?, or Nah, looking forward to some peace and quiet, hows your Wednesday looking?. . After some reflection, my normal version of this (me asking) is You free this weekend? For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". I personally feel really pressured by the question simply because it puts me in the position of having to say yes or no before I even know what Im saying yes or no to. Me: Nope. Most people would rather talk about themselves than anyone else, so turning the question back to them will almost always divert them from further questions about what Im doing. Here's a more thorough list of things Siri manages to do well most of the time: Making a call / Facetime. Point 1 also notes that LW apparently finds the small-talk aspect unusually invasive ze doesnt wish to share zir plans at all, while many people consider this to be a low-stakes social bonding ritual. Thats kind of taking it 4 out of context to say they dont understand. If you already made someone admit that they do not have Serious Plans, of course at this point saying no to your invitation is going to be so much more difficult, because its going to be rude! Examples include: Good, nice sunny day out there. I live in a face culture, so saving the face of the invitee who wants to turn your invitation down is very important. Try repeating Fine, thanks. If you want to invite them, INVITE. I do have friends who have trouble planning things for various reasons and often say things like I miss you or We should hang out more without doing anything to make it happen. Ive had a fear of seeming bossy or overbearing, but Ive found in the past few years that people really seem to appreciate someone getting the ball rolling. To her it was rude. Basically the thing you wrote about duties like babysitting, expanded to fun events. What are you doing Thursday is a way to start a convo gently and without losing face, giving the answerer has the option of answering negatively, positively, or neutrally. Instead, choose from these five replies. Vulgarity from a total stranger is an instant turnoff. To pretend that it wont have a cost societally. Please note, Ive explained why I often say no and that Im very much a loner. He taught me that its always polite to leave someone a face-saving way out of a social situation, so if you want to ask someone to go do something, give them a certain date/time, so if they dont want to go they can say sorry I have other plans without anyone feeling awkward. "Thanks, it was a chance to relax and I am grateful for that.". My current boss is a total jerk. And its hard to argue with. I might be up for casual after work hangs but not going clubbing in that sketchy bar across town. Whats shes for is waiting on and attending to others, and without an opportunity to do that, she must be sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark. 96 views, 2 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 2 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from J.Cano: Law & Order: SVU - Best Episode I like to piss her off so Im honest with her. Hey, Reddit, how was your weekend? : r/funny I saved up enough to move out. How much stuff is there? The same old answers get boring, so you should try a little bit of humor at times because you might make someone laugh instead of feeling awkward. That might be some of what LW is sensing in terms of it seems like you want to ask me but youre afraid: maybe for them, saying I would like to do X this weekend, can you come? is an invitation THEY would have a hard time refusing even if they didnt want to do it. So yeah, I feel that part too. Am I Really? Personally, Id recommend not babysitting at all for six months to allow cousin the time to get used to the idea that LW is not cousins handmaiden, then seeing if LW can re-engage with the cousin in a mutually respectful manner. Rather than rushing to respond, taking the time to understand what they mean can improve the quality of your response. She's asking because she's interested in your plans specifically. Figuring out how my plans fit together is my problem, not anyone elses. I chitchat with cashiers so its totally fine to say something like, Ah, gosh, so crazy today I got a flat tire and Im just grabbing something easy for dinner. In other words if you have the time and energy to construct a lowkey, mildly entertaining story then go for it, otherwise just stick with Great, how are you? and you can let the conversation drop from there. LW gets that we all know this, and should be less friggin bigoted about shoving our nosy questions at a population for whom nosy questions are constantly tied to real threats of violence. Example: What are you doing? I make it about my feelings for a bunch of reasons. We can debate all day whether that should be true, but it is. Some people here do not really do much small talk, so even asking How are you? might lead to a long description of ones health. Here are some fun things to do on weekends: Get Moving 1. I might not feel quite as entitled to her time, but Id probably still think there were some things I could ask of her that shed be wrong to refuse. No one asks or cares, but its as vague as the original request and helps facilitate the DELAY! tactic the Captain talks about. ), but I can tell you that even from that POV, I generally have few expectations of this kind of question. He would intentionally just hint around until they offered. not? Being one half of a couple is also very handy in this respect. Always always have a plan I forgot about until next day. Reluctant runners just need a nudge. My mom recently moved from but why? to Ok, I guess you dont love me which is actually a sign things are going my way because its not a direct question. It took a long time to figure out that I could just cheerfully respond, Why do you ask? In a friendly middle-class-lady voice, (almost as if I hope they are going to tell me something wonderful!). Which I guess was appropriately scary for the season? Im self employed so I can realistically be working at any time and date. Also, the teachers here will not do your homework for you. So if you say Im probably going to that new movie, they dont ask and youre not put on the spot. I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. But it can still be frustrating to deal with. Also, that is very common; very few people I know can really remember everything they are doing for months ahead. If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. As in, What are you doing? is another way of asking What are your hobbies?. Whereas it might feel more awkward/imposing for her, and less for me, to just ask outright, Do you want to go to [event] on [this day]?. 2. I completely get anything to do with joint maintenance of shared space responsibilities for shared spaces need to be clearly shared out and individuals need to do their share. There was definitely conflict where trying to balance and figure out fairness, safety, and compassion were difficult and sometimes heated. morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. Theres always some kind of obligation, because theyre my parents and I love them and I want to honor what theyve done for me in giving me a great life. Also it varies on friend one friend, if I ask him if hes free Friday, we both understand that means beer and movies until the early hours, by default. They specifically mentioned 4 contexts where the asker then does go on to invite them to do something or asks for a favor. We should hang out sometime soon! Is something I expect people to either reply yeah that would be fun or ignore/tell me theyre swamped but wish they could do as a no. This is how I deal with it: All of these situation have the same question in them, but they are not remotely all one situation. Folding the dishes. Then match the sentences with the correct picture. Every time you see Pushy Neighbor, you go into this mode. Its okay that I struggle with anxiety. You can help!'. BUT! Why do you ask? is my go-to response as well. 2. What to Reply to "Hey"? 19 Effective Text Responses - Trending Us You wonder where he'll take you.
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